Friday 5 August 2016

#NEWPOSTALERT: THE BIRD AFFAIR



Nimepotea saana!

It’s been work, work and no self. I need a vakay to one of those cute, sublime and exotic destinations. I will need to revisit my ‘to do’ list.

While I was away, I thought that maybe I should jolt something on annoyance.

So many times people cross you and if you are one of those people like me who do not get pissed so fast, you shall give them haters lotsa second chances. Unfortunately for my kind, when you push us to the extreme, a thunderous reaction will happen and if it does, Jesus better come down and rescue the situation. So we chuckle and smile and hide the bile because we believe in second chances, heheh.

So the other day I was seated at one of my best cafeterias having a nicely brewed cup of tea. I always joke that that is dawa ya roho for me. I was indulging in a scrumptious, ‘editios’ (edible; grammar bullied to the core) piece of cake. Don’t look at me like that; it was a cheat day... lol. 

So as I sat their indulging and enjoying my nice read ‘the Secret’ I see a couple or so I thought get at each other. Those who know me know that I hate confrontations and especially so in public. Unfortunately I couldn’t resist hearing the exchange because as the conversation got hotter their volumes seemed to resonate and increase in pitch. They seemed a pretty young couple either dating or still in their early days in marriage. Everyone was soo scandalized. Of cause I could see the disapproval on everyone’s face. The management really tried to intervene but nothing could deter the fuming couple.

The cause of the unrest was that the lady snooped on the man’s phone and realized that the man had a very ingenious way of saving his lady friends numbers. Apparently, the man saves his she friends in a very quire if not romantic way. The man is a charmer and that being his title he effortlessly wins lady’s hearts at even the most unthinkable of places. He would save the numbers by the place you met. Something like ‘bankbird’, ‘hospitalbird’, ‘flightbird’, ‘toiletbird’, ‘matatubird’, ‘poolbird’, and the list is countless. So his ‘wifebird’ lol decided to check how her number is saved. Just guessing, maybe in her mind she thought that she was saved something like ‘lovebird, hummingbird, homebird, wifebird, conjugalrightbird… hehe. To her surprise the hubby had save her number as the ‘angrybird’. Like who does that!! (I’ve always wanted to use that phrase). That was soo hilarious and at the same time heartbreaking. The poor lady could not stop shedding and cursing. Some very unprintable words were thrown at the man. 

I could see some ladies getting really worked up and gearing to help the lady defend her ‘bird’ position. You know women are a little intrusive and detailed. She almost hanged all the dirty linens right there in the glare of the onlookers. Fortunately a lucky bird saved the situation. The lady manager of the café managed to calm the lady and walked her to her office to maybe give her a hot cup of my chai to calm her nerves. The man just stood there not knowing what to do or who his next charmwee (this is grammar mutilation) would be. These men will finish us, ewooo!
I just decided to carry my mizigos and exit before any other woman in the vicinity decided to implore what bird name they are saved by.



#CHRONICLESADVISE: jameni even if your bird is how, treat it with some respect. Ukimchangu hukuwa umfungwa macho